Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My ass is underappreciated
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
