What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
