she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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