U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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