dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Lo siento on account of my penis...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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