Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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