i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
