I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
