dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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