so explain again why im purple
no
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my being single is dangerous.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
