I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
