Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
