I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
