Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
