it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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