Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Even my vagina gasped.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
