So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
