so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
