Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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