Non-Jews are for practice
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
