You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
