I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
