i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
