i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm passing your future prison.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
