Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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