Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize