I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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