i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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