i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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