A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
