I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Your mouth is God's brothel.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
