it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize