No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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