i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
