can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
