I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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