idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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