If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
