Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
