I love black thongs
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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