Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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