you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
