Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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