I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize