You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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