I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
