I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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