i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
