Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
