I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
