apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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