wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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