I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
even my farts smell like vagina
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize