Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
