yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There's always time for handjobs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
