i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
