Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We have so much sex to catch up on
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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