My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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