the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
