I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
