this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
