seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
