so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
