some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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