My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Green mimosas i think yes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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