I want to walk on stilts...naked
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
