oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
