Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
