Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
