So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
