forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
