Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
