hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
