Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
