I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
