Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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