I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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