Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
