I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I want to make a zoo with you.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Randomize
