I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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