So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
