i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
