the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
