He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
