You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
