dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
