I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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