just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
