So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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