mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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