Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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