Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Your dad touched me again.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
