I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I understand Curling. That high.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
