I think I am morally bankrupt
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
