Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
