Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
