I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize