Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
