i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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