I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
