My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
