this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
