Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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