I haven't been this sober since birth.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
