so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
