I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
