I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
