On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
