I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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