I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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