she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
