Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
