I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
