Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Someone shattered a urinal.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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