if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
