I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
